to write this is to admit infallibility
to admit my own shortcomings
doing the same thing over and over
and expecting a different result
to look on past failures and understand defeat
then to look at present perils and see past spectres
to look into your eyes and read my follies
i keep looking to you
as some sort of hero
a saviour to my desires gone wrong
unwilling to hear myself say
that you are only about you and what you can acquire
i keep clutching to our past
romanticizing our connection
vision in shades of pink and hues of red
passion imbued with romance on a bed carved for death
but rosy eyes shade reason
darkening vision
when in reality the connection is grey
i am one of one hundred in a sea of damaged shells
the vision never holding truth
with yours speaking truth from the highest peak
i am one in a sea of many
nothing special, nothing unique
to you i am a fix for a five minute treat
never understanding if i was so daft not to see
or if i never imagined one could view beauty with such commonality
what you find so common must and will cause your demise
death at the hands of thing you despise
wrapping you in the embrace of cold calculation
smothering you with passionate demise
caressing your very insides with the ice of hidden contempt
slipping the sheath of dark gray death into the heat of your soul
staring as what was within flees its tortured cage.
I stand peering down
looking at what used to be
years of comraderie, some said love
now a distant memory
shedding a tear for the woman i used to be
before he met me.©
Avionelle L Calder
2011©
