To My Love

I have had others,
But it is you that fills my soul
It is you that I think of each night
When the lights are low and the darkness covers my soul
You touch my every waking moment,
And my subconscious dreams.
When we quarrel,
I miss you more than when we are apart
I rush through my day, longing to see
you at the day's end.
I want you to complete my world.
\When we are apart,
I smell your fragrance on my skin
You have become a part of my soul
My greatest form of joy and,
my greatest form of sadness.
But you and I have
What most people search their entire lives for
We have LOVE

Avionelle Lindy Calder

Copyright © 2009

The Soul Revisited

The circle begins, the cycle rotates.
I close my eyes as I hear the now familiar words.
"Tell a soul and die"
I shut my eyes to the poison of the world
My soul mixes with the blood of desire
As the roving eye touches my body;
Inside I cry and hope that it is all a dream
As the tainted hand touches the flower of my youth
My soul leaves my body
I pray that I wake to the song of your demise
Sadly, you breathe, you live, you smell, you touch, you feel,
you kiss the insides of my terrified soul
My spirit watches the daily death of my heart
The 'creak' of my door quickens me to the shuffle of your feet,
I shut my eyes and my soul leaves.
Tonight my soul does not return to me...
In the dull lighting of my bedroom
Tonight my soul watches as yours
flees the fortress of my tainted flesh.

Avionelle Lindy Calder

Copyright © 2009

The Soul

Innocence lost,

The fallen angel yearns for her lost soul

Her tears stain the ground and begin the crimson tide.

The song of a soul in pain

The cry for memories long gone

The past that shatters the mist of the present

A soul in torment

I long to be free

I call your name from the hilltops

I beg you to hear my voice,

But your answer comes too late

My soul falls to the Darkness.

I long to be with you

But my soul won’t free me,

from the prison that I have built.

I know that you hear the terror in my voice

I know you see me standing on the edge.

But your hand is not long enough

to keep me from the rivers of insanity

I watch as you try to look into my soul

But I do not know you, I cannot see you

My love blinds me; but it does not

give me the strength to step out of the jaws of insanity

I step away from the fantasy of life

And into the real world of insanity

Where the borders of my world have jagged edges.

I embrace you but my spirit does not know you

The rage that consumes me will not accept the human touch

I long to feel you against my skin

To hold you, to become one with you,

But I do not wish to hurt you.

I have not embraced the force that rages in me

The power that gives me the strength to kill

I want to stand atop the highest mountain

and leap, watching my body hurtle to impending death

But love for you keeps me awake

Each night I think of you

and each morning I have the will to live

Sometimes I see you and the rage courses through my veins

The heat of anger eats at me like a cancerous growth

Daily I breathe the venom of my own hate

It does not hurt me, only those around me

Come back to me

Come, and let me wrap my arms around you

Let me kiss the flesh of your lips

Let us mingle and let all that I have course through you

Let my rages depart and touch the center of your soul. ©

Avionelle Lindy Calder

Copyright © 2010

To Cry or not to Cry...

Not quite sure what is supposed to happen here. Found out something about someone I was close to trusting. I just don't know if this is the point when I break down and cry or is this the point when I rejoice that I found out sooner than later. I'm not the crying type but somehow a good cry would be cathartic right now. I'm not even asking the usual stupid girl questions, 'Did I cause this?' 'Could it have been something I did?' Nah I know it's not me or my fault, I mean a man is a man is a man, you can't blame them that is just how they are, so when they mess up you expect it. Actually you walk around waiting for them to mess up and when they do, you say 'See I told you he would' (like seeing those signs saying 'Caution road slippery when wet' so obvious) and you pat yourself on the back glad you saw it coming but just a little sad that this one did not break the usual 'man tradition'. Well this tiny rant was not so bad. I feel better. So I go back to waiting for the next big screw up I guess...

T&TEC can bite me!

So what if I need electricity to run everything in my house? So what if it has become a necessary utility. Who cares? What I want to know is when will the madness stop in this country. Everything going up except my salary! How efficient is T&TEC's service anyway? A step above TSTT? A level above FLOW? Does that justify an increase in rates? Well? Does it?