Shell

to write this is to admit infallibility 

to admit my own shortcomings 

doing the same thing over and over

and expecting a different result

to look on past failures and understand defeat

then to look at present perils and see past spectres

to look into your eyes and read my follies

i keep looking to you

as some sort of hero 

a saviour to my desires gone wrong

unwilling to hear myself say 

that you are only about you and what you can acquire

i keep clutching to our past

romanticizing our connection

vision in shades of pink and hues of red

passion imbued with romance on a bed carved for death

but rosy eyes shade reason

darkening vision

when in reality the connection is grey 

i am one of one hundred in a sea of damaged shells

the vision never holding truth

with yours speaking truth from the highest peak

i am one in a sea of many

nothing special, nothing unique

to you i am a fix for a five minute treat

never understanding if i was so daft not to see

or if i never imagined one could view beauty with such commonality

what you find so common must and will cause your demise

death at the hands of thing you despise

wrapping you in the embrace of cold calculation

smothering you with passionate demise

caressing your very insides with the ice of hidden contempt

slipping the sheath of dark gray death into the heat of your soul

staring as what was within flees its tortured cage.

I stand peering down

looking at what used to be

years of comraderie, some said love

now a distant memory

shedding a tear for the woman i used to be

before he met me.©

Avionelle L Calder

2011©

Soe: We like it just Soe

I am intrigued and amused by those of us who sit in our homes and happily pronounce that the current State of Emergency is the best thing since slice bread because as it stands all of you were living under self imposed curfews anyway.  I am amused because all of you thus far who have expressed that view are the same ones wining low to the ground in many a party and fete, attending many a show well past the hour of nine o'clock if you so chose at any time you so chose.  Many of you up to only a month ago were attending band launchings going till what ever god forsaken hour the next morning because that was your right.  Yes you exercised caution.  We all do when we are going out.  I did not hear any of you saying "Let me leave this band launch before nine because crime is just too high"...Not at all, you shook your waist even lower to the ground, continued to sit on that bar stool or enjoyed your poetry, christmas party, conference, reading, recital to your leisure and then left at the end, what ever time that may be.

So step down from your soap box for a tiny moment and let us all assess the major benefits of removing the rights of a nation with over 1 million people to clamp down on crime:

1. More criminals will be off the streets.  I find this a major plus and indeed I am heartened by the fact that over eight hundred assumed criminals have been taken off the street.  Lest we forget, these people can only be detained for as long as the SoE continues.  At the end of this "he who alleges must prove" and if you cannot prove that these assumed criminals are such then where pray tell are they going to end up?  I suspect right back on those same streets that you are afraid of treading.  Those same streets that you are so afraid to tread that we need a State of Emergency, but oddly enough not so afraid that you are willing to miss Tribe Band Launch for.  At this point I have to ask if this means that the real plan is to leave us in a permanent state of emergency to aid and assist in the clamping down on crime.  This leads to to ask what is the function of the police service.

During this highly publicised event, I have seen the police and army herding men and women into the back of their vehicles...these "Known assumed criminals" this must mean that they were tipped off about these criminals.  Okay so question...couldn't you get the tip off and arrest these persons without a state of emergency?  What is that you are saying? You have no proof, just the tip off?  So what you are really saying is that you cannot wait to get evidence and proof to arrest persons.  What then is the position after the SoE is lifted?  Where is the burden of proof?  For me, I am all for gathering up the criminals but no, not at the expense of my liberty.  What happens when a tipster is merely getting back at an accused person?  What happens when a person has a grouse with an army or police officer?  If you have no need for the burden of proof, where does the madness end?  Why can't we allow the police service to do their job?  Clean them up and allow them to do their job.

2. Their will be a significant decrease in criminal activity.  Naturally, this is what will happen if you are under a state of emergency for its duration.  Currently the curfew hours are between 9:00pm and 5:00am because you say that this is when the bulk of the crime occurs.  If that is the case then I must have dreamt up the recent spate of murders and rapes in broad daylight.  One young lady was raped at 12:00 noon and her case was not an anomaly.  Daylight crime is not an anomaly, how does your SoE solve this?  That is all I will say on that one.

3.  This will succeed in getting the guns and ammunition off the street.  As I write it may very well be that we have collected over twenty (20) guns.  You heard me.  This is substantially less than one normal raid in 1/2 day and this is what we have to show after nine days of snatching away civil liberties?  Where on God's green earth are containers of guns that people say were coming in every day?  Your intel cannot be so bad that you have only found under fifty guns in nine days.

For me, this SoE has less to do with political affiliations and more to do with a people willing to give up their civil rights in the name of an initiative that is not clearly defined, poorly planned and horribly executed.  I ask which of the over 800 people nabbed could not have been with proper police work and evidence gathering?  Which out of all the captured really required a SoE to be launched?

I am baffled by a people so willing to give up all their rights, without fully knowing the desired goal at the end of all this.  How long will this be for?  What do we expect to see at the end?  No we really do not know.  Their is no justifiable need for for breaking down my door other than a tipster does not like me or I offended and army or police officer so now they are so inclined.

As I write this I ponder if someone in a high position decided to brand me public enemy number one, would there be any recourse for me.  I would be detained until the SoE came to an end, with no necessity for the burden of proof.  What then?  Who champions my cause?

I ponder if I happen to live in a "hot spot" have no criminal links whatsoever  but have the misfortune of  having had a tiff with a vengeful neighbour...then who helps me?  I ask myself if someone does not like what I write and is sitting in an influential position then can I be informed via a press conference to report to the nearest police station?

As you read this, they can be about to kick down your door, you have no rights currently.  None of us do.  Why have we assented to people removing investigative works and proper policing to be replaced by an undefined measure?  Why are we content to kill all our mosquitoes with bazookas?  How is it we are insistent on burning down our house to get rid of the roaches?

Unlearned

Morning broke
Knowledge pledged that
walking was the best solution for this end
Knowledge said that
the new journey had only just begun
All aligned in simulated cosmic bliss...

Then in that open space, the caricature of what was
Mimicked my very existence
taunting the owner of self sufficient thought
Ridiculing my attempts to free myself of what held me so strong
Dancing on my scar tissues
Ripping open sores

My view on each side
Obscured by hollow emptiness
That engulfed my chrysalis
Cracking the cocoon in mid transformation
Shadows of my former self spilling out un-renewed

In that split second
The music that comforted my soul ceased
The silence wrapped my wounds
fresh pain searing at my broken soul

Looking out of a broken pane...

Avionelle Lindy Calder 2011©

Lessons Learnt

I've been writing this for longer than I can remember

Breaking the boundaries of a twisted mind

Simple acceptance is simply blinding

watching the colours spring to life

I look back on that day

With bitter release

wanting the occurrence to be null and void

yet now I see what is to is... must is

Mistaking childhood beauty

for adult want

ends mostly in painful misery

tortured beyond the bounds that reality has set

I slipped

off the edge of quiet solitude

into the web of childlike glee

condemned to create a greater mistake

than anything that went before

Still I looked to you

reaching for a saviour

touching an accuser

Too late the dream mingled with reality

coming to save what was left of my soul

still I turned to you

sinking deeper into the morbid darkness

that swallowed your world

I retched the deceit you fed me

drinking truth in sips

striking the iron of my misery

breaking the end of old fallen love

It was a process

I needed to absorb

A pain 

I was meant to swallow

fed the bitter to taste the old love

Now I walk

Senna Pod

The gall
to believe you have done right by me
after you used what was offered
and flushed it smartly away
you sit atop
your high horse
and look down on me
What gives you the right?


You came with your buttery words
wrapped in confusion
saying one thing
and then doing its 360
you've branded my wall with
putrid bile
I regurgitate your falsehoods
in a vain attempt to cleanse my soul

Yet you stand there
pillar of innocence
unaware of your abuse
branded a canine of the lowest form
I regurgitate your deception
to wash my spirit clean

The bitter bile
of your presence
unsettles my stomach muscles
I retch at the pain
of trying to remove your essence
I regurgitate your guile
to make my essence vanilla again

Burned Chocolate

I wrote your name on the tablet of my heart
wore it proud because in those two seconds
I believed you had potential to be my vanilla essence
I listened to your tablet
all the things you did not say
and from it, I got all the things I wanted to hear
The harsh undertones of you male fallacy
never imprinted across my psyche

I wrote your name on the tablet of my heart
and wrote the things I wanted to see
My desires confused the essence of your truth
as your pen wrote real truth in the sanctum of my space
the blood tinge on wisdom shades never allowing that truth in

I wrote your name on the tablet of my heart
and watched as the shards fell to the floor
the knife of sudden wisdom could not break
those fickle words fast enough
the heart I once knew confused my cocoa essence
warm sugar burned to bitter chocolate
a taste reminding of your confused nothingness
your insufficient swirls of words
trapping my heart in a sweet fatal concoction

I wrote your name on the tablet of my heart
and erased it with real love
the slate cleaned of confused words that had no meaning
the heart free of selfish hands
clutching at empty straws
sipping the bitter bile of an untrained soul
lost in its own loveless mockery

I wrote his name on the tablet of my heart
who are you again?

The Great Pretender

We are all human
This I understand
What I cannot grasp is a love that presented itself as perfection
Turning into the very symbol of imperfection
Real love does not change itself
From dependable
To Unreachable
From Devotion
To Absence

For all intents and purposes
That is not love
It is a mimicry of the real thing
A masked assailant
Out to steal the hopes and joys
Of an expectant audience

Love does not morph from never too busy
To never has time
That is not love
Irrelevant excuses aside
No matter what change life throws your way
Love gives the assurance that
The importance of a loved one in the scheme of things bears merit

Love does have to ask
Love should not have to beg
That is not love
Rather it is something else wearing the clothing of love

Love does not
Love should not many things
In truth if you have love then you should already know

A Nix Rising

A Short Story

Life started like most do, filled with dreams, hoping for the future and loving those that loved me.  Surrounded in a cocoon of love I experienced childhood hurts, a pet dying, a grandparent passing away. As children, we start life so beautiful.

Then at 14, I died. I still remember his hot chocolate breath whispering "tell another soul and die" (Must be why I don't like chocolate). His fingers clasped over my then tiny lips and I believed he would kill me, I believed I would die. But I was already dead, he plunged in and took out my spunk, my joy but most of all my heart.  I was dead inside, cold, bitter and very jaded.  I blocked out the hurt and never spoke of it (probably better that way).  Fifteen years later, as I told the person I thought I could trust, he dismissed it (I guess because too many of his friends had told him stories similar to mine).

Blocking out that event, I almost never remembered, I never identified myself as an abused woman or a woman with a scarlet 'R' on her chest, but I was.  I had become so detached that I would not allow myself to be loved, only starting relationships with people who were unavailable, emotionally and otherwise.  I could not and would not let myself be loved.  Love was for fools who wanted to be hurt.  I thought I dreamt of finding the right soul, but in reality I did not want to.  I would 'love' a man who was married to his work or who was never in the country and I just loved men who had complicated relationships.  I kept wondering why they did not give me what I needed but in truth they did. They gave me the detachment that I needed, but I could not see that.

Nine years later, the same thing occurred again. Different man but once again, someone that I knew.  You know,  our mothers and elders tell us all to beware the stranger, the one lurking in the darkness, waiting to pounce on us when we are not looking. This evil man, waiting to take what we hold dear to us. So we walk around with mace in our purses and whistles around our necks, ever on the look out for the stranger in the bushes.  No one tells us about the neighbor next door whose children we play with, that cousin we see at the family reunion or that guy who has always been just a nice friend to us and who has no designs on us.  No one tells us about the stranger that we know, the one who could violate our very being and leave us shadows of our former selves.  And as this one lay on top of me, I was 14 again and as he stabbed, the dark circle widened...they grey matter spewed, broken into a million pieces.

This time I spoke out, not to the police as you would expect but to one of the unavailable ones who did all the right things, threaten to kill him and all that.  For me, it was done and it was over.  I would never be that girl who dreamed of being a fireman/journalist.  I would never be a beautiful girl because all i am and all I ever was, was an object to be used for the gratification of men.

Still I kept on with men who were always 'complicated' wondering why I could never find what I desired most.  Then, the Knight came, cleverly disguised in another complicated mess but he said all the right things and did all the right things, until he stopped and became what he always was (an unavailable one). He became the Dark Knight and I decided to wake from the nightmare that began seventeen years ago, when one teen decided that he must have what he shouldn't.

I decided to stop dealing myself the short end of the stick, I decided to get help because no matter how I look at it, I was abused, I was raped and no amount of pretty words will fix that.  I decided to take myself up from the ashes of my former life and begin to carve out some measure of happiness which I have not seen for over fourteen years.

I decided to live.

Those Drums...

I remember as a child looking on at  Sesame Street and if nothing else stuck I recall "Those drums...those drums...they're saying TAXI!...I tell you it's a jungle out there".  This crossed my mind as I observed the undercurrent of discord and rumbling throughout the country as mini race wars flare up and die down and then flare up again.  We have been called a rainbow republic by many and a melting pot has been used as an avid description.  But does that description fit?

Melting pot would leave one with the idea of a melding...with no definition of where one starts and the other ends.  Can that really be an apt description of this nation?  Are we so well meshed that our unity is thing that bonds us together?  I think not.

  When those in high office can look at a current disparity of ethnicity while blatantly disregarding the History which caused that disparity I think not.  When we as a people vote in tribes and not on issues, I think not.  When the ethnicity of the nation's new leader can bring cries of "Is we time now", I think not.  When those who are reprimanded by people who take umbrage at their statements can then turn around and bash an entire political party based solely on that fact alone, I think not.

For all our forward thinking pronouncements, we continue to labour with colonial time thinking.  We judge a man based on his skin, on who is father is, on what his station in life is and not on the make up of his mind...the making of his mentality and value of his thoughts.

We have been described as a Carnival people.  Thinking only of partying and having a good time but I dare to say that beneath this mentality is the real one...that of anger, rage and racial divisiveness.  We have had more uprisings than neccessary, two of the major ones being the 1970 riots and the 1990 Coup. But what have we learned?  Did we really learn anything from them?  Or did we go back to our partying when the rioting was done?  Or is it that we mask how we really feel with all the good time vibrations and talk of unity and when the dam can no longer be held we have a large display of violence...only to go right back into our party mode.

Can we even fix this? Do we even address this?  How can we when chairmen quote statistics and then make implications of discrimination.  How can we when those in government defend this statement and equally denounce this statement at the same time (A house divided against itself cannot stand).  When calls are made from the upper echelons of society to cast aspersions on promotion boards and those who sit on it, where do we start to address this disparity?  

Why have we descended into a "one ah we" mentality?  Where does it say that I cannot be served fairly if the man who serves me is not of my ethnicity?  A senator asked this and I find it pertinent: If the police service is mixed equally of both Africans and Indians, then does this mean that the crime situation will be better solved?

If I am stopped by a police officer who is not mixed, should I as a mixed person fear ill treatment?  I ask this since a chairman suggested that Indo Trinidadian population could not feel entirely safe since there were not enough Indo Trinidadians on the police force and Indians represented 50% of the population (I am not sure where he got that statistic from).  My question is where will this end...do the Africans have a right to feel safe only with African officers?  Then what of the rest of the nation, the people the chairman conveniently left out, the mixed people like myself.  Where do they fall?  Should they also clamour for their own to have proper representation?

Those of us who have decided that the chairman is correct simply because he is quoting statistics and statements from a study, I urge you to be proactive and take another listen to the chairman's statements, not just the statistics, but also the implications and insinuations proffered.  I urge you to logically think about what is being said and where statements like this can take an already tribal nation.  Put aside the fact that support is coming from the Opposition for this man's removal...look closely at what this man has said.  Look at the genesis of his statements.  A letter written by a man who feared the make up of the promotion board would affect his ability to be promoted...this same man who is president in a place where he claims gross imbalance...then who would have voted for him? Not the very same people he is claiming cannot be fair?

Yes I have been reminded of drums over the last few days...drums of discontentment, drums of tribal calls, drums to racial divide, drums of racial tension, drums of ethnic divide, drums of violence and impending doom.  My real concern is what happens when the drums go silent.

A home for the Raceless??

When I was much younger I took the decision (which I consider foolish now) to avoid voicing my opinions on serious issues especially those connected in any way to race, religion or politics.  A few days ago, I realised why I made this rash decision.

It seems to me that people in general are unable to sustain any form of serious discussion on any of these topics for long before it becomes a name calling, people bashing free for all.

I am a mixed person so it is possible my view has been skewed by many things but being raised the daughter of an African man and a mixed woman, I still don't know where I fall in this world.  My mother's side is so mixed that we are not sure what the mixture is and where the mixing truly began because my grand parents are also mixed.  We call ourselves callaloo (it seems like an apt definition to me). Even my father's side is mixed so we truly don't know where we stand. 

All of that being said, this has no bearing on me because I am the product of hard working parents who worked and are still working hard every day of their lives to have every thing they do.  I am the product of a perfectionist teacher who strove for greatness in all that was done and by extension went on to make perfectionist, obsessive compulsive offspring who strive hard at everything. 

I did not persevere because of my race (which race is it?), my religion (I believe in spirit not religion) or my political affiliations (I have none). So it never ceases to amuse me that I am judged because of my dark skin (thank you daddy) being refused service or ignored in certain establishments. If I have an opinion about the government I am either "UNC", "COP", "PP" or "PNM" depending on the view I have taken.  I am an apologist when it suits them, a sycophant if they choose and racist to my bones if they find me so inclined.

It must be my mixed heritage that affords me the luxury of deconstructing both the spoken and the written words and taking out the gems of wisdom and pushing aside the rest.  Maybe because of my mixed up heritage I don't get easily offended by words meant as a suggestion or as a spark to discourse. 

Stereotypes will always be with us.  We may not like them but let us be honest, there is a sliver of truth in many of them.  Some of us fit the mold and some of us don't, that is just the way life is.  Becoming over emotional because of a statement viewed as a stereotype does not help anyone.  Bashing the writer and attempting (badly I might add) to assassinate his writing skills does nothing to help your cause especially when I see authors who craft similar pieces of work but with more offensive language being lauded for their attempts.  It will only leave those of us you consider "non-black" (my father and most of my family would laugh at this) to believe that the root of your discontent is with the race of the author not the content of his writing.

These past few days I have seen people whom I held in a very distinguished class, degrade, character assassinate and abuse each other over writings which I have yet to find offense in especially since the comments which followed were even more offensive from the same people crying foul.  To date I have read over 300 comments from the last few days and maybe 1/4 of them attack the real issue, it would seem that when it comes to certain topics all sense of reason flies through the door.  I watched as one young lady assaulted all and sundry and then proceeded later to say she was only commenting on the issues...if foul language did not spark the issue, it has no bearing in the discourse that follows.  

I have learned that you can find evidence to validate any view you have in life and that is why it is not that serious for me, I will read it all, disagree when necessary and agree when required.  If you could calmly listen to "Compare and Contrast" and further seek to deconstruct that and validate it, then by all means you can calmly deconstruct any attempts to call a spade a spade.

What developed this week, opened my eyes to just how emotional and one sided society still is to race issues.  I now understand the political divide and even some of the religious divide.  I maintain however that if we are unable to discuss these sensitive issues without allowing them to spiral into the personal sphere then we will never be mature enough to tackle the underbelly of the problem.  This is the underbelly of the problem...call it income or disproportionate sharing of wealth if you want but at the underbelly it starts and ends with race, until we see that we are spinning top in mud.

What happens to those of us who are spanning multiple races? Is it that we have no voice or should we only discuss other multi-racial sectors? 

The ability of many to disregard the racial impact on many sections of this plural society of ours baffles me to no end.  Diversionary tactics and burying the issue in talks of racism will not help the issue at all.  What brews beneath may scare many of us when it surfaces.  We don't have cross burnings and lynchings but do not let society's ability to muffle their internal hatred and bias allow you to believe that there is not a real race issue burning here.  I personally would prefer a viable solution to be forthcoming before this racial dam bursts indeed.

I viewed no statistical data, nor looked at any polls.  These are my views based solely on what I have seen happening daily before my eyes in conjunction with all of my experiences.  If that negates my thoughts...by all means you need not read them.

The Ostrich Effect...

 I take a small step away from my usual views and observations.

Today afforded me a view into the belly of a beast I found quite utterly disturbing to say the least.  I am at a loss to understand how a person's views while being almost accepted can be totally discarded based on their ethnicity.  I have made the point time and time again that conclusions and views should be embraced in the spirit for which they were written and I contend that throwing out the baby with the bathwater helps no one.

Firstly I take offense that a person boasting of degrees can read a post written in their native language and take from it ideas which were neither implied nor written.  I am of the view that if you want to brandish both your ethnicity and intelligence in my face, they should be used wisely.  To deconstruct a composition and do so incorrectly, thereby misleading those who may trust your judgment does no justice to you or the education you so proudly boast. 

Additionally, to find racism on the wings of a butterfly is equally senseless (this is merely to show the sheer ridiculousness of the statements in which apparent racism was found).  To claim bigotry and racism where there is none is a foolish stance to adopt.  Pretending that the stereotypes which have been exposed do not exist in your neck of the woods is preposterous.  Burying your head like an ostrich in the sand will in no way bring a solution the underlying problem.  As a nation we face many issues, as black people we face even more, many of our lower income youths and by extension their families daily face social issues, some of their own making but many which society has nurtured them into.  Pretending that they do not occupy more than 80% of the societal ills will not make the problem go away.

Let us be honest, many lower income families face the drugs, crime, gang war aspects every day of their lives.  So maybe we have a variety of ethnicity falling victim to very low income but in most instances, their reaction to it will not be the same as my black people (yes my).  Now while their will be those who overcome the path society has already set for them and rise above it to become our doctors, lawyers, nurses etc...even more will succumb and become our gangstas, assassins, drug mules, drug addicts etc. 

I am aware that any ethnicity can have these categories but randomly take a look at any 'Justice On Time' vehicle and look at those being held for remand, that alone says there is a problem.  It cannot be racist to state a blatant fact, our people are in trouble and we need to find a clear path to begin helping them.  Flying off the handle at a stereotype that is clearly true does nothing for you and does nothing for your or my people.  We are all aware that all blacks do not fall into the same category, I did not and I am proud and glad of that, but those who have (and they are so many now) why can't we use the education that we have been afforded to help them?

Shooting the messenger will not change the message.  Pretending there is no problem provides no solution.  It is beyond me what value is to be gained from becoming emotional and wantonly shooting those who bring a proper message or ask a valid question.

How can you tell a man that because of who is he cannot ask a question or tackle an issue?  What you are doing is nothing short of hypocrisy.  How can you presume to tell a man that because he is not black, while he makes a valid point, his validity is lost because of ethnicity?  How can your point be valid by saying that all other races have the same issues so why dwell on one?  Really?  Why don't you instead accept that there is a problem and try to have meaningful discourse to solve or mend it.

There is no real place for emotion in healthy discourse.  If  we are to move forward as a society, we must begin to tackle the underlying issues.  We must accept that we have a problem, we must accept that if the comments or conclusions are valid, there is no place in there for the race of the author.

When the Advantageous come out to play

Against my better nature I write this tiny piece.  This morning what came to fruition was months/years in the making regardless of what an unsuspecting populace seems to think.  The love affair was played out in the media we all saw the visits, and photo ops.  In my humble opinion we are all entitled to like whomever we feel but the minute you take up an office of influence and authority, this view of whom you like should not make its way to the public domain.

So it came with little surprise that the AG, who has already shown that he has no knowledge of  the power or role his office carries, would publicly proclaim his backing of a contestant in a major competition.  The asinine aspects of the situation were further compounded when the said contestant attempted to baffle the public with cow fodder by implying that the comment was made in the AG's role as a normal citizen of this country.

I don't know about anyone else but I waited patiently for his name to be called as winner.  The people voted you say?  Okay then why have regional judges?  The government does not pick the winners you say?  Oh Really?  He 'mash up' the place you say?  Did he really?  Were there no other contestants who performed better?  He deserves it because of all his years of service you say?  Absolute rubbish, if that is the case give him an award and all the others deserving for their performance through the years.  

So this man comes back Superguy to save us from  terrible artistes and show them how it's done.  He showed them they need to drop off their latest CD for the PM.  They need to make media photo ops with the relevant government officials.  Honour the the right people at the right time.  Don't forget to have a kiddies show.  Act very above board when those in high places endorse you.  Most importantly act very surprised when you win.  To add the cherry on top, have the PM on stage with you at a major concert so that your fans know exactly what should be done.  Have you artistes who dragged the artform down learned the lesson being taught?

To make matters worse I see fans talking about no politics in that? Come on people grow a pair, a brain or something useful.  Call a spade for what it is and stop bowing to antics and cheap tricks.

Trinis need to stop making excuses and allowing nonsense and ripe smelling gobar.  A man who has been out of the competition circuit for 16 or 17 years and then claims to return because the current stock of artistes dragging down the art...of course this had nothing to do with the new Two Million dollar prize money....no not at all.

Don't worry, they are all coming out to play and we are lapping it up.  More to come.  Well done T&T...Well Done!!

Changing the Exchange & Getting a Refund

On that fateful day many awoke with bushy, bright eyes looking forward to the promise of a brighter tomorrow.  This was our day, 'tomorrow' was finally here and we would begin to see the development and transparency we had long hoped for.  A sweet farewell was bid to the tyranny of the past and Trinbago awoke alive with expectation.

This is what the populace really embraced.

Misdirection.  If you can't get them to stop talking about it, then throw out something that will send them in a totally different direction.  This can be partnered with smoke screens, red herrings and unicorns.  Many apologists fought hard trying to lead the public to believe that these were simple gaffes, unintentional.  Are they really? Who could forget the Fazeer fiasco which was promptly followed by the biggest form of misdirection laid on the country to date The SIA scandal (fondly called Spy vs Spy in many quarters).  The public called for redress and as we grew restless, we were catapulted into 360 degree direction as names were rolled off a scroll and who they did not call they forgot.  Suddenly it became "Fazeer who?" as the nation wondered if their phone was tapped and we all looked at eachother cross ways.

Misinterpretation.  When in doubt, allow an intelligent populace to believe that they did not hear what they think they heard.  Let them know that it is either that the newspaper reporter misunderstood what was said or the voting population misinterpreted what was printed.  Indeed, this was also one of the better feats of mental strength displayed, whose foundation was nourished by another brilliant tool: the apology that was not really an apology.  I admit,  this particular tactic left a bitter taste in my mouth.  Standing up and saying to grown people that you do not think you have anything to apologise for however if they are of that opinion then yes indeed, you apologise.  Tacky to say the least.  Even worse, saying there is nothing to apologise for, we are not wrong, stop making such a fuss...Move On.

We listened as a Chief Justice was besmirched...fake apology.  We listened as the Caribbean learned that T&T is not an ATM...no apology.  We listened as ministers insinuated that obscene language never occurred at an international event...no apology.  We listened to a fictitious resume being read out...no apology and worse...no explanation.

I could go on and on but the thing is, this could probably be said about all the previous administrations.  What is alarming is the short span of time with which everything about this administration spiraled out of control and began circling the drain.  We have not even made a year under this haphazard form of governance.  What was voted for and what was received are completely different.  Many are asking if they gave up one dictator in exchange for another or is this an even more heinous form of dictatorship, one which this country has never seen.  One which was cleverly disguised in the appearance of a beautiful package.

What have we really gotten out of this bad marriage, this poorly made union?

I made the comment before the election that a group quickly strewn together on the foundation of "Manning Must Go"  could not have much merit and should not be taken seriously.  Unfortunately, this band of misfits came to us at a time when the country was begging for something new, crying out for a real change and these wolves hastily threw on their sheep wool and waited for an entire country to take the bait.

We now look on helplessly as each of them sheds the wool to show us what lies beneath.  Almost a year into this thing and they are still blaming the previous administration and to what end? They promised to deliver.  Much was spoken of the crime plan which I now believe is a unicorn.  Much was said of bringing betterment and rebuilding a down trodden Trinbago.  What has been done?  We have hired a foreigner to fix our crime situation.  What has he done other than draw a ridiculous salary come each month end?  Where is the crime plan? Where are the public consultations?  Is this change or exchange?  We have agreed to pay a commissioner an exorbitant salary to get crime under control...to no avail and yet we cannot give the police or the PSA a proper offer.

One would have thought that a government comprising almost all aspects of society would have been people oriented.  One would think that they would seek the interest of the citizenry.  Let me say this, calling yourself People's Partnership and renaming a ministry 'Ministry of The People' does not make you people oriented.  Leave off the fancy names and start working for the people who gave you their vote.

You stood on a platform promising to "Serve the people, Serve the people, Serve the people" but this does not seem to be the case.

Your claim was that a vote against you would lead to the streets being red with blood, listen, that is not ketchup running out there.

You promised to "Axe the Tax" not bring it back under another name with higher rates.

You promised to be selfless, impartial and fair.  Why is there an air of nepotism and cronyism reeking across the land.

Saying that other administrations did it is not an excuse, you promised to be different, you promised to provide change.

Those who went out on that fateful day and voted for change humbly and sincerely would like a refund.

Rum, Water & Some Bitterness

Much has been said for and against Cro Cro's rendition which was delivered on Calypso Fiesta Saturday.  Many have bashed the words used in his rendition.  Having listened to this song a few times, I cannot help but agree that it is crude in its formation and indeed bitter upon delivery.  I however am able to look at this without dispensing the baby with the bathwater. 

The calypsonian's sentiment, while not popular, expresses a view that has crossed many a Trini mind since May 24th.  While I by no means subscribe to the view that we should vote based on our race, I believe that one of the sentiments holds very true and this is that Africans as a people are much quicker to throw away our own and raise up what is foreign to us.

Many lines of the calypso rubbed me the wrong way because I hold to the opinion that if you can berate a rapper for calling a woman "bitch" in his song, then the same must be done for someone who calls a woman a slut.  No woman regardless of her standing in society deserves that form of disrespect, further more to call one such based solely on the fact that she stood on a platform against a seemingly "African" party is unfounded and nonsensical.  I believe the writer allowed his venom for the outcome of May 24th colour his social commentary.  His attempt while noble may have alienated those of other ethnicities from viewing the true nature of what he attempted to do.

That being said, I believe he went the cruder route in order to bring his point across to a people who he believed could not or would not hear him otherwise.

His bitterness however has marred the beauty of the artform.  His rendition fell neither under picong nor social commentary.  What it became was an assault on the senses and essentially an abuse of a long treasured way of delivering the spoken word in this nation.

Him I can understand.

On another front, another calypsonian  alludes to the fact that he recommended the 2 million dollar prize money for artistes and as such should be allowed into the finals of a competition  regardless of the quality of his calypso.  He proceeds to undermine the integrity of the judges because he was not chosen.  Now,  having also listened to his composition, I have to ask how he even made it as far as he did and then to further imply that he is supposed to get into the finals (based on what I do not know) and then win the entire competition by extension,  is degradation in another form.  Take a look at some of his words:

"I am the one who advocated that $2 million and they leave me out. How they want me to survive? I have no more money to make. On Carnival Sunday night, the PNM has prevailed."  

It makes implications that allegiance to a particular party or to the government of the day affords you certain luxuries.  This allusion to nepotism and cronyism is appalling and brings more disrepute to the artform dare I say than the bitterness of the first calypsonian.  I maintain that his rendition was lacking form and substance and was unworthy of even being in the semi-finals.

Someone will need to school me on the finer attributes surrounding the rendition which won 'chutney soca star' Rikki Jai two million dollars.  'White Oak and Water', really?  Now I must admit that upon hearing the name, I thought to myself this must be a twist on something that I may not have understood so I listened to the song.  How on God's green earth can a man walk away with 2 Million dollars for a rendition in which he says all he has is White Oak and Water to pass off as a dowry?

Did I miss something?  This man sang an entire song about being so poor that his only offering is rum and water (even more ridiculous considering the cost of alcohol in this country).  Is this the standards we have come to in this nation?  I won't even touch the aspect of a father thinking his daughter is worth a bottle of rum and a bottle of water, I won't touch the idea that is being pushed there and i will not touch respect for women either which is an aspect of both compositions that I find insulting.

To the judges that awarded 2 Million dollars to that man, I can only wonder what they were thinking.  It almost felt as though they robbed the entire nation at gunpoint.


These renditions lead me to think that the artform is in jeopardy and I wonder if this is what comes out in 2011 then what is left? Make no mistake, if we are able to deliver a hefty 2 million dollars for what can only be described as tripe, rubbish and gobar of the foulest nature, then what on earth is left for the future?

Ponder on that...

Goodbye to...

 
There is an old folk tale that tells of Carnival being from the old slavery days.  A Clarion call saying goodbye to flesh, a declaration of a new freedom.

You will note I said an old folk tale because I cannot imagine that any of that is true when i look out at what is passing for Carnival and Mas these days.  The distorted merriment escalating to debauchery with men and women freeing themselves to songs which can in polite terms be described as rubbish.

What is this Carnival culture that many speak of?  What is this beautiful sight that people leave far and wide to come and view?  You are asking the wrong Trini.  I have not seen real Carnival in well over 20 years.  I won't compare it to Brazil, apples and oranges.  Our mas is said to have a history rooted deeply in the days of slavery, a full expression of our desire and further delivery of freedom.  It was a way to speak out our hurts and pains and grievances a way to code our messages so that "massa" would not understand.  This was the backbone of the culture we embrace.

Where is that culture now, first it was relegated to Carnival Monday Morning when people were too busy with revelry to notice but where is it now?  What has become of the traditions of old?  What do we sing of now?  "If yuh know yuh giving a horn raise yuh hand!"..."Advantage!"...."Mash up de speaker box"...yes culture at its best, lyrics to make Lord Kitchener get up and slap somebody.

The beautiful mas we boast about? Where is that?  In any place that sells lingerie and just add on a pack of beads.  Whatever happened to Mas like what Peter Minsahall would produce? Where a clear thought process was evident?  Where a story was being told?  I ask you, what are you trying to tell me when one section of your band is red, the other blue and another green, varying only in the colours of the two feathers and five beads you have sewn on to some piece of underwear?  This is the culture you so happily boast to the world? Really?

As I said much earlier, we get what we allow.  No one will stand for something good and if every mas band brought out fully clothed band sections, it would be a Carnival with only crickets chirping.

Carnival was supposed to be saying goodbye to the flesh, a flesh which has now been totally exposed.  In what sane world does Carnival mean to forget who you are for two days and do all and sundry and then you wonder why the baby and AIDS population exponentially increases around that time.  Why does Carnival now equal a goodbye to sanity?

Where has the art form gone?  Men who can sing about Rum & Water and win two million dollars, men who come back to an art form because the prize money has increased.  We have thrown away passion for the art form so that we can bow down to the almighty dollar and give him full praise and in so doing we have not said goodbye to flesh, not at all; we have said goodbye to standards, sanity, beauty, poetry and real art.

Stairway to heaven - Apocalyptica

What Have We Done?

Grief is the only word that might be able to sum it up.  Horror may be another.  Those many years ago when i learned of the death of Akiel Chambers, my heart fell as both the horror of his death and his tender age saddened me.  I thought on the many things he would not be able to do, the many things which would be left unsaid.  The graduations and the wedding that his mother was deprived of.

Then I actually sat and thought on it, what manner of monster it would take to do that to a mere child and further hide his body, only to later drop it in a pool.  There are no words for the pain that gripped my heart as I felt as though I had lost my own family.

What was even more disconcerting was the way in which his case was handled from allowing the investigation to run cold to the destruction of evidence.

Over the years we have lost many more children and now we fast forward to 2011 where we have just lost another.

I will not go into the laws that should be passed and legislation that should be in place.  I can only look at this from the human aspect.  I can only look at this as if these were my brothers and sisters, my children, my nephews and nieces.  I can only speak from the heart wrenching pain I feel at another senseless death, another lost child.

I will not get into which side crafted the bill and which side should push through the bill.  I don't care who thought the bill should be stricter or who thought the bill was not strong enough because as we argue the merits of this, somewhere, another sick soul may be crafting the death of another innocent, another person may decide to exact his revenge on the someone's son or daughter.

As you stand on your soap box and lay blame left and right our streets are running red with our future.  As you continue to argue further, think on the fact that, in the midst of your quarrels you may one day see there is no one left to govern.

When will it be safe for our young ones?

At whose feet do we lay the blame?  Somewhere a mother gave birth to an innocent and somewhere another mother unknowingly gave birth to a monster.  Have we failed our children? That must be the case, we have raised them to devalue life.  They are desensitized to violence and crime, rape and murder.

Where did it start or even better than that, where does it end?

As we continue to take 'ME' out of every equation, we allow our society to slide down a slippery slope.  Yes there must be legislation but there must also be nurturing, foundation, values.  A man must be able to value every life that he comes across.

Have we gone too far from value and too close to apathy so that we can no longer see what we are doing?

What have we done?

What have we become?

Down Low (or what happened while no one was looking)

As the country embraces the season of wining down low, wining to de side and all other forms of merriment, the world and indeed the country continues to turn. While we laid down in a state of Carnival slumber, somewhere, someone was discussing the ramifications of the term "Axe the Tax".

Can it be that in a country filled with intelligent, right thinking persons that no one noticed what I can only call a bait and switch promptly followed by varying degrees of semantics?

What is the real scope of what is being fed to us? The length and breadth of this tax policy.  Is it that the one proposed by the previous administration, the same one which was cried down by the populace at large was a lower rate on a higher amount?
If that was the case then the fact that is has been in effect "Axed" means what to us? There is no property tax or is it being called by a different name?

This administration has alluded to the fact that in the face of country wide disapproval, they have indeed "Axed the Tax" and rather have reverted to what was previously there...but some are asking if the amount has increased to meet the 7.5% rate which was already existing.  How can this be if all that was done was a simple reversion?  It may be time to drop all the fancy words and double speak and simply come forward and let the population know what is amiss with this policy.  Explain to us exactly what has happened.

It is not enough for you to say that you have done away with what the previous administration proposed and have magnanimously left us with what we were always "comfortable" with.

As the governing body, it remains your duty to do what is best for your citizenry.  It is up to you to do what will be of benefit to us.  It is not your job, in the face of no income earners to attempt to reap all your income from the very people that put you in a governing position.  Maybe a better option would be to devise ways to generate sustainable income (a plan which is long overdue and one which you should have come into office with I might add).

While most were wining to the side did you in fact revert to the previous rate at a new increased amount?
Have you crafted your own version of the Property Tax and given it a new glittering name?

A rose by any other name smells the same.

It is time for the double speak to end, it is time for us to stop playing semantics and hiding behind misquotes and misrepresentations.

In essence it may very well be time for you to do something that your entire administration has yet to do: Come clean with the Trinidad and Tobago population.

Helter Skelter Pelter

So celebrities mess up all the time and we look on as they are reprimanded for their thoughtless actions. Not so in Trinidad. We all looked on as a "Chutney Soca Star" roused the onlooking crowd into a riotous frenzy. We all heard him apologize, claiming he was ashamed of his actions.

Well let me tell you sir, we are ashamed for you. I personally am ashamed for a country that glorifies violence and rewards tomfoolery.

In any other nation this so called "star" would have stripped of his right to endorse anything. His contract would have become void. Not so in Trini. One promoter canceled one children show and rightly so, and one organization pondered over whether said artiste should be allowed to perform. Only to allow this miscreant to go on and perform days later and they will continue to allow him to perform, rewarding his foolish behaviour.

This is why we are in the perilous state we are in, we do not hold persons to high moral grounds, we encourage nonsense in almost every form, at times we applaud it. And then the cry is "Why is this country in such a state?"

As a nation we stand for nothing, allowing those in high office and so called celebrities to get away with everything short of murder...there is in essence, no accountability anywhere.

For this reason we have politicians who believe it is okay to twist words and misrepresent ideas. For this reason we have local celebrities who believe it is okay to slap, cuff and knock down others because there will be no fallout from it.
For this reason we have artistes unafraid to take to the stage, use obscene language and then have their management insist that 'we' owe them an apology.

We accept everything and stand for nothing.

The 'party down' mentality persists. You can't have a real protest because this is Carnival season and there are too many fetes that you might miss.

The country circles the drain but you want to 'wine to de side'

When did we become an apathetic bunch, unwilling to stand up for anything?

Looking out at the rest of the world, they are no longer willing to accept the neatly dished out status quo. The have decided to fight for what they want, what they believe they deserve.

When will it be our turn?

Or is it that we are only willing to fight for the right to party??

Moral Dilemma

I want to touch you but something gets in the way.

I want to close my eyes
And feel your lingering touch on my skin.
but my spirit battles with me
I want to forget my inhibitions,
forget my spirit, forget myself and let it be like it used to...
\Those days of enjoying each other for hours
Expressing our sensuality in every way
Riding the waves of your pleasure to experience
the peak of insurmountable joy. . .
But now that has ended,
The passion visits with the burden of maturity
The reality of religion. . .
And the onset of morality
\Even though I want to love you
with the language of our sensuality.
I am held back by my soul.
Without the eternal circle,
We may never touch again.

Avionelle Lindy Calder
Copyright © 2009